Today I’m speaking with Dounia Lkoundi, a business and life coach who helps ambitious women get rid of their emotional baggage from the past so that they can start building their Fabulous Future®.

In the episode you’ll hear: 

• Why embracing the differences between men and women and how they best perform in the workplace can transform your entire business.
• What activities like goal setting can go against the natural flow of being a woman.
• Why women seem like they’re constantly evolving and changing their perspectives. 
• How women can get in the flow and maximize their calendar planning.
• Dounia’s 5 Step formula to manifest anything you want, called BOOST.

If you’re inspired by this episode, I’d love to hear your biggest Aha! moments. Take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your social media and tag me, @christieturley!

LINKS:

Dounia’s Money Archetype Quiz: https://www.theboostcoach.com/archetypesfree 

Dounia’s Website, LinkedIn, Facebook & Twitter

Transcript:

Christie:
Today I’m speaking with Dounia Lkoundi a business and life coach who helps ambitious women get rid of their emotional baggage from the past so that they can start building their Fabulous Future. And we have an amazing episode planned about embracing the differences between men and women and how women can best perform in the workplace, and that knowledge can transform your entire business. All right, welcome.

Dounia:
Christie good to have you. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for

Christie:
Joining us from the Netherlands Today

Dounia:
Oh my gosh. You have from the Netherlands and it’s already evening here and very late and very cold and very windy.

Christie:
Yeah, that’s about right. I’m in the Rocky mountain, so it’s pretty. Yeah.

Dounia:
Oh yeah. Pretty much the same to you. Yeah. So

Christie:
A little bit about how you got started on your entrepreneurial.

Dounia:
Yeah, so yeah. Well, my name is Dounia I’m 44 years old. I live with my daughter and my husband in the Netherlands. So forgive my accent. No, just kidding. So I took it with an accent. English is my third language. My first language is that of course, Dutch second and third English. So yeah, I live from the UN in the Netherlands and I started, you know, I have an interesting career path. I wasn’t TV host and national TV host on the Dutch television channels. I was a, a, a QVC. You have QVC in the United States. Absolutely.

Dounia:
And I was working for the daughter, the door, the enterprise of QVC here in the Netherlands selling beautiful stuff, like beauty, like laptops, computers, Getches whatever. But I also worked in a corporate world is an account manager. I worked for Microsoft. I worked for an international video company. So I, what I did, I love what I did because I was always following my heart and they call it a job hopper because I change my jobs every three years because I wanted to have a new, a new level of energy. So I was always looking for new stuff. So that’s why I have done a lot of different jobs.

Dounia:
And my last job was a key account director in a big video company. I was selling a pre rolls video advertising. And you know, in 2012 I became a mother. And when I was pregnant with my daughter, I, I subscribed to her for a nursery. You know, like, you know what? I go back to my job. I worked for four days and my girl we’ll go for three days through the nursery so that I can do my job. And my husband will stay one day at home. And I will say one day at home. And the other three days you would go through the nursery. Right. But that was when I was pregnant.

Dounia:
I didn’t see her. I didn’t touch her. I felt her. But when she was born, I was like, hold the beep. Do I have to get, do I have to bring her to the nursery? Oh my gosh, I cannot imagine that life should be like that, that you drop a baby and bring it to the nursery. You know, like in our respect for every woman who can do that, I couldn’t, I just couldn’t take her to the nursery. I couldn’t. And besides that, I had a very awful delivery of the baby stuff. So I was really a weak at the moment, like physically weak and I couldn’t work. And a bit, I started to work.

Dounia:
I had, I had to work. So I started to work and that I didn’t like it anymore. And you know, you have to imagine before the pregnancy, my job was a really cool job. I had the best job in the world. I had like, you know, a beautiful salary. I have everything of the car. I had everything. But when I came back, that cool job was not that cool anymore. Something as James. And that was me. Of course, I was a mother. I became a mother, you know, I don’t know. I, I was like, you know, every woman who, who becomes a mother, you know, she knows how to deal with it. She knows how to deal with motherhood and with our job.

Dounia:
So I should do that too. I have to work. I have to work. So, you know, it’s a certain time I find a way, you know, to, to navigate through life, having a job, having the baby, take her to the nursery and the three days’, by the way, just two days, I had my sister who so is taking care of my daughter, but I felt like a, I don’t know, it’s the same in the Netherlands. It’s a sitting in batch. It’s like a, a headless chicken. I don’t know if it’s staying in a very similar around like the chicken with the tenet cut off. It’s a little.

Dounia:
So I felt like that because I, who was doing my stuff, I was doing my thing, but I couldn’t feel the joy or the connection with, with my job. I only could feel that connection with my daughter and with my little family. So I was like, what the hell? What should I do? So I keep working, working, working, working, and then, you know, surprise me as I got fired and I didn’t get fired for that, that I was doing it job. A very, that I like it. I didn’t do my job as well. I was fired because somebody needs, we needed to go away. And that was me. So that was really, really, really a gift from heaven because I’m, at that time, of course I was angry for two hours.

Dounia:
I was angry for two hours. ’cause like, how could you find me in this then that, but then I was like, Oh my gosh, this is an opportunity. This is an opportunity to stay at home with my daughter. And well, I stayed at home with my daughter. I got paid, you know, the company paid me a lot of money. And I got Monday from the government. ’cause we have this law and the Netherlands, when you, when you got fired and you can, you can get your money from the, from the, from the government. And, and I was like, Oh, I love this. You know, I got money and I’m with my daughters. And so one day my husband was like, shouldn’t you go back to work, you know, to find a job or something.

Dounia:
And I was like, Nope, I’m not going to work anymore. I don’t want to work from boss anymore. And he was like, yeah, but you know, we are, have to, we have to pay a mortgage and, you know, and it was like, yeah, I know, but I don’t want to work from bus. And he told me like, what do you work? And I were like, you know what? I want to work from home. It might be dramas with Yarra, the baby, you know, here next to me. And he was like, well, where will you find that job? And I was like, I don’t know, but this is what I want. And this is what is, what is it going to happen? But I didn’t know how, at that moment, I swear to you, were they one week or two weeks? I don’t remember like really short time an ex a coworker called me and he’s called me.

Dounia:
He was like, Hey, Dounia what would you like to do? The marketing, all of the big online casino and field marketing. Yeah, of course they can do that. And he was like, yeah, sorry, we don’t have an office yet in the Netherlands, but yeah, you have to work from home. I was like year. So I manifested that. So I had a job, a freelance gig. It was not really a job. It was a freelance gig, a working from home in your pajamas with the baby in my lap, doing a field of marketing. And that’s what I did. And I love that. And that was actually the start of my enter entrepreneurial journey. I went to the chamber of commerce. I subscribed myself as a freelancer, but I, myself also as a coach, because I would, at the same time I was doing the coaching, a coaching chorus from the, from the top of the United States as the law of attraction goes.

Dounia:
And yeah. So I started that journey and I’m still as an entrepreneur or so, and I love it.

Christie:
Yes. And fast forward to now your coach.

Dounia:
Yeah. I’m a coach. Yeah. It stopped working as a freelancer three years ago. Now I want a hundred percent coach and I love what I do. I called my, you know, it’s a link to say, hi, I’m a coach. Like everyone is a coach, but I call myself on women’s power because that’s what I do. I empower women, women who are stuck, who can not move forward because of the emotional blocks so I can help to move them forward easily.

Christie:
Yeah, totally. I love it. And in your work, you talked about the three sets, the mindset, the heart set in the guts of what do you want to talk a little bit about that? Yeah.

Dounia:
So as a coach, I called myself sometimes an coach. And why do I say that? It’s well, you know, in the personal development world, everyone is talking about this mindset. You have to work on your mindset. You have to work on your money mindset. It’s EV if you want to be successful, you have to work on the mindset. And I’m like, you know, you know what? The biggest problem is women who are dealing with it’s, that they are already to March in their mind, that’s the problem. And we don’t only have a mindset. We also have a heart and a gut sense. So the heartset is where our emotions reside. You get your values, your, your life values.

Dounia:
And your gut said is your female factor is your female. Intuition you have, and that’s some, it’s a gift and you have it already, but women are too much in their head. And like the headless chicken, right? Like me, I was that I was too much in that

Christie:
This is connected, right? Like, literally,

Dounia:
Exactly. So you are totally disconnected. And a lot of women are suffering with it. Not only female entrepreneur, but also especially the women in corporate world. So no, we live in a society, which is a very masculine, there are a lot of masculine measurement. If you look at the job, a new job opening, it’s its, if you look at the job description, it’s a very masculine way, a written down, but we are women, you know, we have, we have a different look. We are the same, well, we are equal, but we are not to say,

Christie:
We’ve been trying to fit in with men, right? Because this is a man’s world.

Dounia:
And, and, and, and that’s why women are so stuck because they think to be successful, they need to focus. We need to do goal setting. They need to work on the mindset. They needed to be consistent.

Dounia:
And those artists things are going against our own flow of our own female being. So that’s what I, that’s why I go myself a as a joke. Like I’m the only, so it’s not that I don’t work with the mind. Of course I do work with the mindset, but it’s not only the mind, it’s the heart. And the God said, and when you want to have a real deep breakthrough, as a woman, we started the heart set level, the emotions, because what, what keeps us stuck are those emotions. And especially of course the negative ones, but then again, we don’t have negative emotions. We, we have emotions, but we need to label it as negative.

Dounia:
’cause we don’t want to feel that we don’t want to feel anger. We don’t want to feel fear. We don’t want to feel anxious. We don’t want to feel a, a low value of ourselves. We don’t want to feel it. So we stuff it up, you know, don’t think about it. Don’t feel it, stuff it up. Don’t think about it. So you become disconnected. And, but in an emotion, it’s a moving energy, you know, it’s a moving and it, it comes in and it goes, but for a lot of women, it comes and it stays in the body, but they don’t want to feel it. So they stuff it up and yeah.

Dounia:
And then you go ahead.

Christie:
Yeah. And I I’ve been there too, you know, I’ve experienced that. It’s and, and when we’re not connected, we can also, it can effect our physical bodies, like quite literally, because that mind and heart will get scared of what’s in the middle of that.

Dounia:
Your throat. Yeah. So you

Christie:
Can have thyroid issues and things and problems expressing your opinions and your voice. And, you know, because it’s not safe, it’s not safe to show emotion. So why would it be safe to say, how are you?

Dounia:
Right. Yeah. True. Yeah. But it’s the same with a gut feeling, a lot of women, because they’re so disconnected, they’re too much in their head. They are this disconnected from the gut sense. And that’s why a lot of women have gut issues. And of course,

Christie:
When they say gut, like, I, I also think of women because of the reproductive area to, so are you talking about more like, like the gut, are you talking about it? Like that say girl, Shakara kind of a, you know, that, that creative energy and you know, or are you talking more like, Intuition just listen to your gut.

Dounia:
Yeah. That’s The yeah. The Intuition so listen to your gut. It’s your gut. It’s your, it makes sense. Its it makes sense. And since it’s not here a sentence it’s a year with the body, it’s, you know, it, it’s your female Intuition and we all have them. We have, we all have the uterus, we all have the maternal instinct and we are not making use of it. Right. So that’s our biggest, biggest gift.

Christie:
Well, right. And that’s it, I mean, this podcast is the inner game of, of business. It’s all three of those things really. And it is. And the, and that is such a, it’s actually a feminine way, the feminine balance to Business business. And you know, I say that it’s over 80% of your success is, is that inner game. And people don’t realize that. And I don’t know is who said this quote, but I heard it somewhere. It’s like, it’s, it’s time to stop trying to force and make and instead receive and create yeah. Listening to that intuition and you know, and also like connecting with the divine and praying and, and being open to guidance.

Christie:
Like yeah. I’m a huge believer in that and, and helping you, you know, using your intuition to grow your business. So

Dounia:
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And that’s, that’s, that’s a beautiful that you said that, that in our game, because you know, you can apply a strategy into your business. You can, you can have a coach, a business coach and do all of the things she is saying is that one, two, three, four, five. But if you haven’t worked on the inner game, if you have a work on your inner self on the inner reality, you know, if you are a successful, it will be short-term. But you really, you know, the inner game is the first is like, step zero, you have to work first on yourself and then start applying strategies or whatever you need to be successful. But a lot of women are also looking for like, who am I?

Dounia:
What do I want to know? It’s almost 2020. Like, Oh my God, 2020, I’m going to change. I’m going to do whatever I want. Or I don’t, I’m going to find myself, you know, but you can not find yourself. You can not know what to do. If you don’t know what you are, you need to know what you are and you are a woman and we need to embrace that difference. Those differences between men and women. So yeah,

Christie:
The feminist type of you pointed all, like we’re not, we were just talking to them and be a woman. Don’t stop trying to be a man.

Dounia:
No, exactly. Because the feminism, if you look at feminism, of course, it’s in beautiful thing. And it, it was needed of course, and it is still needed. But the execution of feminism is a kind of masculine. So I’m more like being a dead woman, just be yourself, being a dead woman, the powerful ones, you know, own your stuff. You need to own your stuff. You need to know yourself really good. And you need to be more aware of your own patterns and get that breakthrough. Just stop that bad and whatever that is, you know, too, to that better Future for your new generation, you know, the why I do what I do, it started with my daughter, the entrepreneurial, your journey.

Dounia:
It started with it for my daughter, for my daughter. I’m her, I’m here for her. Why I do my business right now. The way I do it right now, focusing on women. I do that because I want my daughter to have that chance, you know, more chances than I have

Christie:
Or a, another,

Dounia:
A way of looking at life, you know, because there’s a lot of things we are doing, which is a masculine way. We have been taught. If you look at the business, you know, we haven’t been taught to focus. We really, we have to focus. If you want to be successful, you need to work on goals. Of course we work on goals. Let me tell you a woman can be a woman to freak out because of those goals, because goal-setting is really a masculine thing to stay consistent in your business. You have to be consistent every day. You have to write Facebook posts every day, you will have to do this. This is a consistency is key.

Dounia:
Well, let me tell you something. Women are consistent, inconsistent

Christie:
Consistently inconsistent. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know,

Dounia:
Oh, how can I be consist everyday? I am not the same person. It wasn’t yesterday because they know, or last week, because last week I had my period and now I don’t, you know, so that’s a whole different dynamic.

Christie:
And I mean, people are probably laughing right now, listening to this, like, but there’s truth to it really. And like, I mean, I, I feel like I’m not the same person. I was three months ago, you know, I’m learning constantly and this can be true for men too, you know, but it’s like, we’re changing every day. We’re going through, you know, this cycle of, of, of death and rebirth, death and rebirth, you know, constantly letting go of things that no longer serve us and bringing in new things. And we’re constantly progressing as human beings.

Dounia:
Absolutely. Well, we suppose to do and women who are stuck on not progressing and not moving forward because they keep watching at the par at their past issue, instead of looking through their Fabulous opportunities, Fabulous Future opportunities. So what I mean by that, like for example, last week I had my period and now I don’t, you know, that’s a different, Dounia, I’m a different person. I can do much more things now than I, when I had my period, when I had my period, I had, I had more time to hibernate. I had more time to go within myself. What do I want to, am I, what, what am I, and am I doing the things I love to do?

Dounia:
That’s more like a soul journey and inner soul journey. But when my period stops, I’m in totally dynamic. I am

Dounia:
More like, let’s do this. I’m going to start this project. I have this new energy around me. I can do this and that can do that. Then I can go to the gym. Then I can, I get started a lot of new projects because I have to, I have energy and because of their hormone, you know, our partying, our body. So I’m a different person then the next week, next week when I am ovulation, I am a different person again, because then I have my ovulation and then I’m more attractive. You know, biologically, you are more outgoing, you’re more outgoing or want to show more. And yeah, that’s in a different person.

Dounia:
And the week later I will ha I will be in a very, a kind of a negative vibe because I had, I would have a negative head talk. It’s normal. I will clean out my house very well. And then a week later, again, I’m back. I have my period and that’s the whole cycle, you know,

Christie:
Isn’t it interesting that there’s a, there is a metaphor there there’s actually a parallel to nature’s seasons with the period being a mentor and the hibernation and the reflection and just taking inventory. And, and then you’ve got this spring energy where you were like, ready to start a new projects, ready to go. And then, you know, then the next one, when you’re ovulating, it’s like, okay, it’s fire, you know, it’s like socializing and you know, more extrovert type of energy. And like, you know, let’s do this and, you know, complete some things. And, and then that the, the fall you’ve got somewhere in the fall where it’s like, okay, things are starting to decay.

Christie:
The leaves are falling off the trees, a, you know, they were headed for winter. Exactly.

Dounia:
That’s right.

Christie:
It’s so, yeah, it’s fascinating how we’re wired. And, and there’s the cycles that we live in a fractal universe, you know, where you see the pattern everywhere in nature.

Dounia:
True. I, yeah, I see a lot of women are laughing about it, like ha ha ha. Right. Ever, but really seriously, girls it’s, this is your natural flow. This is literally like, literally it’s your natural flow. And if you go against it, you can go against it once or twice. Or, but if you do it for years, you will hate that school. You will hit that. Well. Yeah. And so, yeah, so, you know, since I do that, Christie, since I follow those four season in my business, you know, I have here, my passion planner, you know, I have a passion planner and every month I write down my four seasons, like when around will I have

Dounia:
My winter, my full my, my summer and Sarah Turley, I plan, I schedule my appointments according to my, to my seasons. And yeah. And sometimes I have this big workshop within a corporate bank or in my winter time. Yes. That happens too. But then only by only knowing that I, I could be tired, more tired because of the winter time by only knowing that I, I, I need to go within, but I have to be outgoing because I’m doing a workshop just only be aware of that.

Dounia:
It gives me so much peace already.

Christie:
Yeah. I love it. Yeah. I can see how the piece would come just from planning and knowing ahead of time, like you’re going to be in sync with how you’re feeling and you know, how many times do we wake up? And we’re like, Oh gosh, I really don’t want to do that. You know, as women, at least, I mean, men, men probably feel that way too, but it’s like, God, this on my calendar. I wish I really did it. And it’s probably because you’re just not feeling it. Right. Absolutely. How would we optimize our calendar? So like where would you put those big workshops? Would it be during the, like the spring phase, the summer phase like that?

Dounia:
Yeah. I want to go to spring a summer. It could be also full because in full time you are more creative. So interesting when I have sales goals. But for example, in my business, I have them in my fault because I become very creative in the conversations. I don’t know, you know, it’s, I am creative, more creative, so yeah. So you can have, like, for example, a sales calls in, in, in the fall, but a networking in summer and in, in the spring, you can start in your project, you can make new plans and a schedule, everything. So seeing to a woman to be consistent than you are successful, it’s a kind of a challenge.

Christie:
Yeah, exactly. Are there any other myths that you can think of? Like, like these, these, these mantras or philosophies that we put upon ourselves to try to fit in to the man, a man’s world, you know, that really kind of go against our so-called flow. Like, can you think of anything else?

Dounia:
That can be another example.

Christie:
Another example of that.

Dounia:
Yeah. So like for example, the, the, the, the corporate corporate workshop I had, for example, when I, when I didn’t know this, I would punish myself. Like, you’re stupid. You shouldn’t be doing this. You shouldn’t be doing that. You should be more, you should be better. You should be that, you know, I would, I would be so harsh on myself, but now knowing I have my period, I have to be more kind to, I have to do, I’m going within. It’s more like, it’s more, it’s more peaceful. So yeah.

Dounia:
A lot of women are punishing themselves because they’re not good enough when you have a big project in your winter time and it’s not working as you want it to go, you will punish yourself. And you will find that confirmation like you see, I can’t, you see, I can’t do it. I’m stupid. I’m dumb. I’m whatever. I’m not good enough. So, and I feel, I see a lot of women are struggling with that. They in my practice.

Christie:
Yeah, this is genius. I remember when I first heard about it, I was like What, but the more I thought of it, and then the more like the next month went by and I was like, there’s gotta be some truth to this. This, this makes a lot of sense. And now when you’re bringing this up and the podcast, I know there’s like you said, there’s probably people like, yeah, yeah. We were men listening to this, like, huh. But there’s truth to it.

Dounia:
You want to be the men who would more understand they’re partners, their, their, their wives or their daughters, you know, you know why my husband recognized totally when I’m winter, when I, when I’m PMs nothing in winter time, because I went to the gym, I know I’m, you know, it’s okay. Like the PMs,

Christie:
You know, the fall. Yeah. Well, you had a fall

Dounia:
And then the bridge to winter, like everything is a little bit too much.

Christie:
Yeah. The emotions are amplified, you know? Yeah, totally.

Dounia:
So, yeah. So

Christie:
It’s our nature. We don’t need to get down on ourselves. Like, Oh, how dare you get angry? Or how dare you, you know, reacts that way. I mean, yeah. I mean, keep yourself a check. Of course we have some self control, but like at the same time, it’s like, look, if your son sell some Slack, your body is doing some things that you don’t really have control.

Dounia:
Yeah. Yeah. True. So, yeah, since I’m doing this it’s, I guess I have so much peace in my business. I know exactly when, what to do in what days, what seasons and yeah. I love doing that. So, and I teach that my clients of course, because yeah, that’s really, really important.

Christie:
Yeah. Yeah. So as far as that’s concerned, like, what is it like when your clients first hear about this? Like, what are some of the breakthroughs that they have with the female factor like that?

Dounia:
Yeah. They understand themselves more. Like I told you in the beginning, like everyone is thinking like, Oh, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know who I am, but you know, you have to know what you are first, a woman with the cycle and her hormones, you know, you need to accept that we are not a man. And I see a lot of women are, you know, also in, in, in our business, by the way, Christine, you know, you and I, we are from the school and I see a lot of, you know, successful women, you know, applying those masculine tools and they become successful. And that’s great, you know, and that’s, that’s really cool. So masculine tools are really a successful for one in five women.

Dounia:
So one in five men and women, they have more of the masculine thing within them. But the other four in five women are not, are really like having issues with that hybrid problems with applying masculine things. So, yeah. Mmm. You need to be more aware of that. Just, you know, for example, Today, I was doing a, in a mastermind. I was doing goal setting and I don’t like the word goals. It reminds me of the corporate world, like goals, goals, goals, goals, you know, metrics. Yeah, please. And, you know, and I’m like, and I was like, why, why am I upset about this word? You know, goals, goals, goals, but that’s, that’s because how do I say that the goal setting is really a masculine thing.

Dounia:
Women are more like me, two more like broaden their view. Women need more like a destination. Women didn’t want like a big, big idea of a bigger than them. Bigger than that. It’s something like a philosophy. Yeah. Like a mission for the future generation. ’cause we have that maternal instinct. We are doing it for our children and the goal setting thing. It’s more masculine a thing, because if you, if you know, you know, buy a lot biology men, when a man look through his eyes, they have more like M ganglion cells.

Dounia:
Something is something. And then an item from biology. But men looks look from them through their eyes, in the peripheral Wei. They look already that there are a few is brought to light. The Hunter who looks abroad, sees its prey and is going to hunt on their prey. So that Hunter needs a goal. And that’s the prey because this few is already to grow with the woman, right? Yeah. Yeah, of course. So he needs to For Gus that goal so that he can get the prey.

Dounia:
Right? The women, we, we looked in that we, we already looked in a focused, we are looking at already in the time because we need that because when we have this baby in our arms, we need to look in detail is because we have to look if she’s healthy or not, or the baby’s healthy or not, he or she is healthy, but we lived through the app. We C we see, go out, you know, we see things in faces with the people. ’cause we look at the time. So last time I had a workshop and I had this, I dunno, I had, I had something here, you know, and that was a woman like, Oh, you have something here at you, you know, hear it at your, at your teeth.

Dounia:
And they were like, Oh shit. You know, but that’s typically a woman who sees that because she sees they Tice. And the man’s can’t so goal-setting is something masculine ’cause they needed because they look the broad, they needed to focus, take a look of the broadened view and they can happen for them. We, women need to broaden our view and have that mission, that destination, that Fabulous future. So that’s a totally different vibe and energy around that.

Christie:
Yeah. That totally makes sense. It’s like, we’re coming from the details and needing to broaden our horizon. Whereas the men had already had their horizons. That’s why they need goals to focus in and zero in on that, on that result. It’s so interesting. I’m a different energy. Definitely such a different way.

Dounia:
Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. So, and, and, and that’s why I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m like, this, the difference in the differences between men and women, the men too, of course,

Christie:
Like there is some viewpoints out there that are like, you know, diminish men, you know? And I don’t think that, you know, by empowering women, we need to diminish men. I think we can, yeah. Speed. Be equal, but know that we’re different. We have our differences, but one’s not better than the other, right?

Dounia:
No, we need each other. Yeah. We need each other, like, no, we need, we need to have a baby. We needed to get, but we are creating the one with the baby. Ha no, I’m just kidding. So that’s why we are the creators. We are creative. We don’t have to think about creating the baby. It’s already it’s happening, you know, it’s Oh, you know, I’m going to the system. So yeah. And you know, another, another, another big difference Christie is that women suffer from, from, from a gender trauma. So it’s, it’s epigenetic.

Dounia:
So if you look at the science of epigenetics, we, we not only inherit, you know, the traits with our ancestors, but it also, we inherit our trauma and drama. So, you know, for thousands and thousands of years, women have been oppressed suppressed and become depressed. And that trauma, that drama it’s inherited by generation to generation, by generation, by generation. So yeah, if there is a pattern in your family, it’s that it’s, it’s inherited drama, unresolved trauma. So that’s big difference.

Dounia:
I mean, like I told you, it’s a masculine world. Well, we, women, we were like secondhand citizens, you know, in some countries here in the Netherlands a couple of hundred years ago, if you, as a woman, if you were waited by the church as too slim, you are a witch. Wow. Yeah. So its here in Europe, you know, ah, if you are like this slim, you are, which so yeah. A lot of women as our, our, our struggling with our weight. Yeah.

Dounia:
Because if you’re a fat, if you are fed, it’s safe, you know, it’s an unconscious programs.

Christie:
Yeah. No, there’s so much truth to that. And actually an episode five, if anyone’s interested in learning more about epigenetics that we spent the entire hour talking about epigenetics, it’s amazing. And, and this is a real science, like just how DNA is passed from generation to generation. And that affects physical characteristics. I mean, these are the negative patterns and trauma and emotions that can carry in the cell. Like they’ve proved the scientifically. It’s so interesting. And so if you have these unconscious patterns, you’re not even really aware of them until something bubbles up and stuff and, and, and tell something gets triggered.

Christie:
And you were like, why did I or it happens again or where it’s like, ah, you know, women for centuries, their voice has been suppressed. So when you talk about this disconnection earlier, it’s like you, I mean, I have this, it’s like, it’s it, I’ve done a lot of work on it, but it it’s like, you know, to express yourself and be able to even have this podcast, for example, and to be, you know, voicing something in public. I mean, a couple of years ago, that was a very scary thing for me, you know, but you know, I do recognize that there’s a lot of, I mean, there could be childhood things going on, but there could also be generational things going on and that you’re not even aware of that were passed down.

Christie:
And they’re just kind of like they’re and tell you to decide to address them and overcome them and empower yourself.

Dounia:
Exactly, exactly. And that’s why are we going back to it? Doesn’t it, it’s not about who you are all the way you want to be or what you want. It’s about what you are, do know what you are, you know, and that, well, those are one of the differences between men and women, you know, which is really, really important to be aware of this.

Christie:
Yeah. Well it’s so foundational. It’s like when you, when you start talking about who you are, that’s different right. Than what you are. It’s like, you get to know what you are before you adjust the who. And so, and, and even to think about what your mission is or why you’re here on earth, like what’s your purpose. And so it’s, that’s so important. I’m glad that we talked a lot about that. That’s great. Let’s, let’s talk a little bit too about, so you, you really belong believe in the law of attraction and what is the law of attraction for people? I know there’s people that have different definitions. What’s your definition of law of attraction?

Dounia:
Well, the law of attraction is an energy. I’m like the law of gravity, you know, where your intention goes, energy flows. What do you think of it there? You know? And it, it, it, it, it’s not about does it work. It works, but it works with good stuff, bad stuff and ugly stuff. So when you focus on negativity, you got more negativity when you focus on positivity and you get more positivity. So, and how to recognize where you focusing on. Well, just look around, look around and look what happens in your outer reality, because it’s just a reflection of your inner reality.

Dounia:
And if you are stuck, when, if you are in a negative situation, like I was, I was in a very, very bad situation a couple of years ago. And I was, I was in a family of war and I had, I felt so much negative emotions to proceed like a date. I was so angry. I was so frustrated, betrayal hurt. And that it was like a cocktail of, of, of, of toxic emotions. And I felt that, and I didn’t feel that like one hour I felt it all the time and like 24 seven, what is the whole year? You know? And I couldn’t, I couldn’t process that emotion.

Dounia:
I couldn’t process it. It was, it was all the time. And when you focus on negativity, you get more negativity. That’s law of attraction, that’s it always works with good stuff, best stuff and ugly stuff. So if you want to know, are you focusing on just look at your outer reality and if you see a pattern you don’t like change from within, and then we come again to your inner games. Christie so, yeah.

Christie:
Yeah. That’s so true. I mean, even, even if there’s, let’s say you have a neighbor that’s messing with your mind that you don’t like very much. I know it, it’s not really, I mean, I hate to say it, but it’s not really that it’s like, what in them is lighting you up where you’re just like triggered in a bad way and then healing that. And then all of a sudden I have this happen. Not necessarily with a neighbor, but like you wake up to the next day and it’s like, they’re not who I thought I was in a good way. Like, are there, they’re not who they think is not funny? Like, it’s a projection. Right. I just said something that even confirmed, it’s a projection. It’s like, kinda like a Freudian stuff, I guess.

Christie:
But it was like, they’re not who I thought they were. And then what I said is I’m not who I thought I was. Right. So that was kind of funny. Right. I heal something in myself and all of a sudden they’re appearing to me as a different person.

Dounia:
Yeah. So Wayne Dyer has a beautiful quote on this. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. So it’s all about your own perspective, about your perception of life, you know, and where you focus on energy flows. So that’s my definition of the law of attraction. And I played this funny game with my seven year old Boulder all the time. And when we drive, you know, when we, we would drive for 15 minutes, we’d go home. And she say, momma, let’s played a game again and said, okay, lets play the game again. And the game is like a, let’s manifest a pink car. Like, you know, you, we have cars, but a pink car is really rare or a yellow car and or purple or green like that frog a green, it’s a really strange color, but we are always focusing on those difficult colors.

Dounia:
So I’m going to go, like, let’s focus on, on the pink car yet. Let’s focus on a big card. So we are looking for a car. So when you attend to go and energy flows, as we all wait, find that color Carr all the time it works is there. So try for yourself. I mean, I had that a couple of years ago, I wanted to buy an Audi and a car in the Brent and suddenly everyone was driving that car. Like suddenly I, I sold that car everywhere. You know, that’s where it takes.

Dounia:
She goes energy flows. Yeah.

Christie:
Yeah. And you know, sometimes it’s like, we’re living in a video game and it’s like, you know, what do you want? What do you actually want? And then it’s the same thing. It can work for things that you desire as well. I mean, that’s just a fun little game to prove the point. It was actually a really cool book that I read now. I can’t remember the author, but it’s called cubed in East square.

Dounia:
Oh yeah. That sprouts femmes fruit sprout. Sprout. Yes. Yeah.

Christie:
Such a good book. And it has a real experiments you can perform that prove or, or, you know, if you want to try to go and disprove the love of traction, you’re going to be disappointed. But there is, I love it because it was like the scientific approach to proving the law of attraction for the skeptics. Right. Okay. So let’s talk about your five step for you.

Dounia:
Yeah. Yeah. So I’ve created it. So when I started in the business, I’ve created my own five step formula. It’s like, you know how to manifest, you know, how to manifest whatever you want. So I have this steps

Dounia:
It’s called BOOST, it’s an acronym. BOOST the first step is be specific. Be specific as a, BOOST be specific what you want. What do I mean by that? I mean, what I mean is that be specific? What you want is to focus on the things we can do one. So we tend to focus on the things we don’t want to, we exactly know what we don’t want, but if you focus on the thing that you don’t want to get more of the things that you don’t want to, because that’s the way it works. So yeah. So you need to be more aware. What do you say to yourself? Yeah. It gets you into that situation. So be specific, what you want is really to focus on the focus is not the right word, which is really to be aware of the fact that you are talking about the things you do want instead of the things that you don’t want.

Dounia:
So that’s the first step, second step, optimize your vibration, optimize your vibration. It’s like, okay, you know what you want, right. What do you believe? Or do you believe that you get it? Because if you don’t believe in it, it will work. You know, because you need to believe in the thing that you do want to believe is everything. So, yeah. And it’s the optimizer of vibration. What I mean by that is, you know, are you aligned? What whatever you want. The third step is opening and receive. So you do know what you want. You know that you’re going to get that you believe in that, but are you ready to receive it?

Dounia:
Are you ready to allow that stuff into your life? Because sometimes we don’t allow it. You know, we are, we even can handle complements from other women are men are like, Hey, you know, so are you ready to receive whatever you want? And that’s really important. So the first three steps are really the inner game. That’s in a work. You know, you have to get to know yourself better. You know what you are, who you are, what do you live in? The beliefs are what your parents are. You know, it’s really like a self discovery, a part of the fourth. Step, that’s the outer reality. That’s the outer, Step the fourth step is, you know, start doing it, the ESS or start doing it. You know, what’s the first thing that can bring you closer to whatever you want.

Dounia:
It could be anything. It could be something small. It could be, I don’t know, but do something move forward. Because if you are a stuck, if you are a and a analysis, sorry, I can find a word to analyze. If you analyze everything you wonder, and like every step you’re going to take, or every choice you’re going to make, you are stuck. You know what? You have to do something to bring yourself closer to whatever you want. So that’s the S the fifth, Step the T a BOOST. So the last, the last step is ti stick to celebrate, you know, Take time to celebrate. And what I mean by that is to be grateful and thankful for whatever is already there.

Dounia:
You know, because that energy, well, you focus on, you will attract. So if you focus more on the good stuff, more good stuff will come to you and your age, you are, of course, you ready to receive it. So, yeah. So that’s the five step formula, but there’s a step zero. And that’s like the that’s that’s like everything. You need to own your stuff, whatever that is, you need to own the things like you said about your neighbor. You need to own it the way you look at your neighbor, you need to own it. That it’s it’s within you. It’s not your, it’s not your neighbor. It’s you, you know, you can not change him.

Dounia:
You only can change you yourself. So own your stuff. And I have seen a very good video of will Smith. It’s actually saying own your stuff is actually saying, you know, take responsibility in your life. Whatever happened in your life, drama, drama, take responsibility. What do I mean? It’s he explained it so well, he, he expanded like responsibility is the ability to respond on any situation in your life. You know, that resilience, energy, resilience, energy, and now something happened in life bomb, get up and do something.

Dounia:
Be responsible responsibility, the ability of response. So own your stuff, own it, whatever it happens in your life. Like I told you, I was stuck in this family in war. I have to owe myself. I have so much negative stuff in my buddy. So much negative emotions. And yes, I was point to get my sisters and my sibling. They started, they started the day, you know, but it’s not about them. It’s about you. What have I allowed that, that this situation has been created by me. I allowed it create your own reality or your allowance.

Dounia:
Right? So it always starts with you and yeah, it’s, it can, it can kick your butt butt at the same time. It makes you powerful because then you realize like, Hey, I do, I do. I can change that situation whenever I want by owning your stuff. And that’s super, super, super powerful, because if you’re blaming, you’re always dependent on others. Always, always.

Christie:
Yep. It’s replaced that blame with forgiveness really. I mean, in the situation with your, your sister or your family, right? It’s like you, could’ve just withheld forgiveness and blamed, blamed, blamed. Yeah. But you know, it’s like, it’s not for you to decide if they deserve or not. Right. You’re not the judge. It’s like, it’s like just own it. You know? And there’s yourself, forgive yourself. Forgive them. There was a really cool practice. Ho’oponopono are you familiar with that? Yeah. We talk about that a lot in episode one about forgiveness. And so if anyone having a struggle for giving, you know, that’s definitely an episode to listen to, but I agree.

Christie:
It’s so empowering when you can just say, you know what? You know, it doesn’t mean you have to accept the behavior. If that you don’t like, you don’t have to hang around people. You don’t like it is up to you to forgive them so that you can release that negativity and you can attract more of what you do. So if you have a negative charge toward something, you don’t want to guess what you’re going to have more of that. Right.

Dounia:
And you have to, you have to look within yourself. You really have to look within yourself. You cannot point your finger to others because one finger to them is three fingers to yourself.

Christie:
Exactly. Is that well, in, in psychology, it’s a projection. Right. And in the Bible, as the beam in the mote, it’s like, it’s the way we see it everywhere, wherever you are. I mean, there’s some scripture about that, right? It’s about loving your neighbor like yourself. It’s you know.

Dounia:
Exactly. Exactly. So, yeah, that’s, that’s basically my five-step from it. But the step zero it’s like own your stuff. Oh yeah.

Christie:
Can I just underscore one of your steps just in particular, because it’s so hard for women is the tea, is that taking the time to celebrate? They can be so off on the next thing, you know, it’s like great achievement, wonderful. I finish that cane, next thing, but really taking time to celebrate a win and really patting yourself on the back. Good job. And even like, if it’s to go to your favorite cafe and get a drink or whatever it is, it doesn’t have to cost any money, but it’s just giving you that gold star and, you know?

Dounia:
Yeah. So don’t expect that others doing that to you,

Christie:
Right. You know, to compliment,

Dounia:
You know, start complimenting yourself, you know, take time to celebrate life is to celebrate. We, we should have fun in this life. You know, we have, we have everything we can have to be successful, whatever success means to you, by the way. So success is for everyone is different. But look, if you can, if you can see whatever you want that Fabulous Future, if you can, if you can see it already, you know, you can, you know, I say Future, and it sounds very far away, but it’s not the future is now. So if you can think about it, you can make decisions from this point, you already dead.

Dounia:
If you are already there and you can, you can create is now, it’s already here. You don’t have to for two years and five Years. So you start working on your mission and, you know, moving forward energy, you know, instead of, you know, a lot of women in my practice are more focused on the past, the past, the past that to me and what a, a blocking myself and the blocking me and what’s happened to me and blah, blah, blah. But they should move like turn around and look at the Future what is possible. So that happens. All right, okay. Take responsibility. The ability to respond, but move forward, always move forward. By the way, it is our innate things we needed to grow.

Dounia:
If we are not growing, we’re stuck, you know? Yeah. It’s that creative energy. It’s like, ah, you know, I, I remember the story that just came to mind that it was about a tree that grew up on the side of the grand Canyon and it actually moved tons and tons of rocks. It burst forward through these rocks at the bottom of the Canon. You can see all the rocks, but it’s this huge tree it’s like growing sideways out of that. But that, that, that desire to grow and to create is, is, is in nature. And it’s in us, it’s in us needs.

Christie:
So, yeah. Awesome. Well, how can people learn more about what it is that you do? And after you answered that question, I want you to end the podcast with a final thought or final quote or, or some inspirational thing that you want to leave our listeners with.

Dounia:
Yeah. So, well, my website is www dot The BOOST coach that’s com. So the BOOST goats.com. Ah, you can find my work over there. And the last thing I want to give them is, you know, when you own your stuff, there is no excuse for not being successful because it makes you, so you are already powerful with owning it, doing it, being it, having it, it’s so powerful. It’s so much more powerful than staying stuck in blaming or played a victim or whatever with a martyr. No, it’s just move forward and own. It that’s really so important because it creates more possibilities. This is for you.